So first a bit about me: I'm kind of an old man trapped in a puppy trapped in a doggie's body. It's getting crowded in here! I found out my little brother Boba started a blog -- and I thought I'd try out this technology stuff. My human pets are always on this computer thing instead of playing with me -- and it's gotta be pretty cool to pass up playing with me. I'm adorable and fuzzy after all.
Besides, Boba probably got dropped on his head a few too many times as a puppy, he's -- well, endearing. Poor guy, I got the looks and the brains in the litter. I figured if that dope has stuff to write about, I'd be able to regale you with my thoughts, experiences, and opinions. That's why I'm making my first entry about stuff I like to put in my mouth.
- Butter: I won't keep you in suspense saving the best for last. My all time favoritest thing in the world is BUTTER!! Its rich creamy and silky texture makes eating it so easy. It tastes so delicious! Strangely though, I tend to find this particular treat on the dining room table. I think my silly owners forget to put it on the floor for me -- but they are just human. Would I be less of a dog if I could not accept these flaws from them? But I digress. It's typically easy to jump up to the table and enjoy my butter. I prefer to savor it -- so instead of devouring it quickly, I will enjoy bit by bit by licking it gone! Try it sometime! I think it also makes my coat particularly soft and shiny.
- Poop: For some reason, my pets think this is really gross. I think they don't get it. I keep trying to encourage them to try it sometime. I leave them my little presents for them but they are pretty daft. Once I left it right on top of one of the magazines they read -- but they just seemed upset. They store their poop in some loud water chair thing. Maybe that's when they eat it. Anyways, no two poops smell or taste quite the same. I suggest you allow it to aerate a bit to develop all the delectable dung delicacies and to create a craptacular conduction -- a cornucopia you will surely crave.
- Lipstick: Whoever said this is just for women and pigs? Puppies love lipstick too! I find it much more effective to just eat the entire tube. I don't think smearing it over lips is a particularly effective way of eating lipstick, but that's what my humans like to do -- each to their own I suppose.
- Retainers: Humans do a lot of weird things -- like use paper to wipe their butts instead of dragging it across the floor or shaking hands when they meet instead of properly smelling each others behinds to know "What's the haps?" This though, is one of the most brilliant things ever -- I know humans are pretty dirty -- but here's my dirty secret, their saliva is an amazing marinade! My human pet recently got Invisalign (maybe the name of this delicious doggy treat?) I think she was saving it for me for later -- but I smelled it and I couldn't resist! It isn't exactly food -- it's more like a tasty chew toy. Not like those gross rubbery or fuzzy bouncy balls -- this was something entirely different. I have to admit she looked kind of angry I found my present in her purse -- I felt bad for ruining the surprise -- but it was worth it! Might be even better next time if I let it marinade longer. mmm.
- House of Prime Rib Rib: How could I forget this? This is so awesome. My humans will go to the Church of Prime rib and bring me back delicious bones to gnaw on -- man, they sure know how to make a pup smile. Hmm, all this talk of prime rib is making me hungry. I hear my tummy rumbling now! Time to check to see if there's a plate of butter for me out on the table!
Until next time